Are these not the most precious angels ever? I had a friend who once did the ring on a string test to see how many children I would have. Every time she did it, I was to have 4 children. Three boys and then a girl. I still think this is true.
See Aiden and Stephen 
were the first children we brought into our home. Steve and I tried desperately to have children. We did 9 rounds of Clomid without success. Our doctor said it was time to move on to fertility treatments. Our insurance covered nothing so we weighed our options and decided to go through with adoption.Our biggest reasoning was the idea that international adoption was a sure thing and with fertility treatments there was a greater possibility of going through treatments and coming home empty handed.
I did some research and we chose an agency. I wish I had done more and listened to my gut more. We wanted to be parents and we missed listening to our instincts. We were signed up and supposed to be involved in a general information meeting with the agency director and two of their social workers. After the third rescheduling, the director actually joined us for dinner in my home town. We discussed all the ins and outs of the adoption process. We explained that we really wanted to go with an international adoption. He however talked us out of it. At one point he went to the restroom and Steve and I started discussing what we thought. The couple behind us offered some advice. They had already adopted one child and were in the process of their second adoption all using a different agency. But we chugged ahead. We discovered that domestic adoption would cut our finanicial cost in half and the director was adament that all would go well.
In July 
2003, the agency called with some good albeit shocking news. We had been chosen by a birthmom. The shocking part: The call came in on Monday and we were scheduled to bring home our bundle of joy on Tuesday.
OH WAIT The shocking part. Not one bundle of joy but TWO were going to come home with us. Yes in less then 24 hours our home was going to double in occupancy. We had some fears of course but we soared ahead. There were some pretty big ups and downs over the next few days. Birthmom had decided at one point that she was going to have her mother raise the boys. Then there was an issue with the birthfather. The boys had just spend thetwo weeks in the hospital for various medical problems. But on Thursday, Stephen and Aidan came home to live with us. They were ours. We loved them, cared for them, feed them, bathed them and got them back to a fully healthy status again. Both boys were seen by our pediatrician, gained weight and loved with
At day 28, we got the dreaded call. Birthmom had revoked her consent to adoption and with that our boys left our home. I was at work when the call came. I refused to come home, but mom (also my boss at the time) insisted and her and my dad drove me. I snuggled my boys and told them no matter what happened that Daddy and I would always love them. The social workers arrived and I fixed up bottles to be sent with the boys in case they got hungry on the ride. As I was fixing these bottles, one of the social workers asked me how I felt. Was I angry? Sad? Disappointed? How does a mother who is watching her children leave answer this? I simply said I’m so numb right now I can’t say anything. To make things worse, the social workers had no idea how to install car seats into the car and I had to do it so the boys would arrive safely to their birthmom. My sister-in-law arrived to say her good byes. And we watched from the front porch as our boys left for good. By this point I was emotionally spent and had to lay down. When I got back up, the house was completely devoid of any signs that the boys had ever been there. My loving husband and his sister thought it best to move everything to the storage room in the basement. While I love them for thinking about the best way to handle the situation it honestly made everything worse. Because now people were acting as if these children have never been around.
So yes if you ask me how many children I have, I normally will say two. But in all honestly I have four. I will always have four because not a day goes by that I don’t think of my two sons that left our house almost 6 years ago and what their little lives have become now. Are they happy? Do they have all that the need? Are they healthy?
If they ever happen to come across this page I hope they know we loved them dearly and pray that they have all the ever need. I also hope they know that not once have I ever regretted our decision to bring them home with us. They taught me more in those 28 days then anyone could ever imagine. They taught me that love transcends time and space.
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My word Holly. I don’t know how you handled all of that. But I’m glad those boys had such a loving home for the short while they were with you. Even though they are away from you now, you were there for them when they needed a mom the most so yes, I agree. You are a mom to four.
oh my goodness, that would be pain beyond pain. What an emotional roller coaster – first excitement, nervousness, joy and then pain and separation! Yes, you hold those babies close to your heart! I don’t know how anyone could go through something like that.
Annie @ Mama Dweeb´s last [type] ..7 Link Challenge on my Blogiversary!
Stopping by for the Summer Blog Tour. My husband and I went through infertility challenges, too. For 8 years we tried everything. We were still determined to try with fertility treatments, though, as I could get pregnant, just had several miscarriages. When I finally stayed pregnant, Jack was born with serious health problems and was in the NICU for six weeks. We are so lucky that he is healthy today, though still has challenges. Can’t wait to read about the rest of your children.
Brenda (mamabegood)´s last [type] ..Sick Day